The question has been raised Again And Again Although almost always abbreviated as Not a good idea: OK? Charging your friends for food in your home?
One of the last examples included Amber Nelson, an LA-based podcaster, Who returned to Twitter to ask, “Someone invited me to dinner and they charged me for it … It’s weird, isn’t it?” Yes it is, and almost 400,000 people on Twitter seemed to agree.
According to Nelson, he had two servings of Pene Alla vodka for बिल 20; Approximately, There were frightening reactions. (Actor too Kristen Shawl The same thing happened with the chorus of “It happened to me”: “I am saddened when someone gives me a भे 9 drink after I have just bought a round,” wrote one person. “The boss offered Tako. Later we were each charged $ 17. They weren’t even good Tako,” added another.
There were parties where guests had to pay $ 5 to use the bathroom, or only $ 400 to attend. There was pizza at the “multi-million dollar new home in the suburbs” for which the guest received a payment request. There was a baby shower planned by friends who later sent a bill to the guest for the event. BBQ given by rich friends who asked for money when guests left. In one frightening incident, a friend was called to another’s house and offered only water because he had not brought his own liquor. Meanwhile, a friend living there made herself Manhattan.
Although this question has been the mainstay for years, it does not help to be confused, tired and confused about returning to our social norms after a long epidemic. None of us know how to get out of our house and re-engage with this world, or if we should. We can all do some courtesy reminders, so we brought in experts.
First off: No, don’t charge your friends
When it comes to charging your friends for home cooking, there’s no question: “It’s absolutely rude and totally unacceptable by any rules of etiquette,” said Crystal L. Bailey, director. Institute of Etiquette of Washington, Which serves children, adolescents and adults as a modern courtesy authority in the United States and internationally. “If you’re hosting someone and inviting them, the hosting takes care of that experience and that person. It’s not a socio-economic thing, no matter how difficult it is to eat together. We think about being able to break bread with people, and you Inviting someone to your home is not a financial transaction. “
“A host can be a rude host, and the question is, do you want to say yes to another invitation your guests receive?”
– Lizzie Post
Can Do you charge friends for food at your place? Of course, but there will be many possible consequences. “A host can be a rude host, and the question is, do you want to say yes to another invitation your guests receive?” AskedLizzie PostCourtesy icon Emily Post’s granddaughter and author of several books on etiquette herself, as well as co-chair and co-host of the Emily Post Institute. Wonderful manners Podcast. “Whatever people can do, it doesn’t make it polite.”
Why does this question keep coming up?
It’s easy to do Distance blames technology for creating IRL. And of course, there’s more than enough Economic stress Now to wander around. But, perhaps, it is that we are living in a more brutal transactional, capitalist culture than ever before.
“I don’t know if it’s the ease with which technology is able to communicate that has given it the audacity and courage to make that request,” Bailey said. “If we don’t have the technology, do you expect me to have 20? Venmo is great to use,” she explained. “But we need to think about sending a fund request if there has been no discussion about it.”
The Post feels that using our Venmo has a trickle-down effect. “Even if you set up your account privately, you still see a feed that shows you people paying each other for things or charging for things,” she says. “It creates the idea that it’s okay to think all the time about who should give what to whom. I think it’s very informative, and very general; we just tell each other everything.”
Stay away from drama and talk in advance
Asking for contributions to a dinner party is not necessarily bad; This is because you need to explain to your guests what to expect First Your noodles and vodka sauce are in their stomachs. The Post said, “When you invite a guest and then you expect a certain amount, it puts them in a terrible position. It’s incredibly rude and insulting. It’s deceptive. Honesty is good manners.”
If, say, you want to do something that can be expensive or complicated – or not at all – you are within your courtesy to ask for a contribution. First From those who want to come. “I can see the situation in which people already put in the experience … but not the bait and the switch and here’s your bill,” Bailey said. “If you want to send an invitation to Italian dinner, my house, प्लेट 20 a plate, you can do that!” The post added, who admitted, “I still don’t think that’s a good idea.” Instead, embrace the potluck.
Just be direct, advice Colu Henry, Author of the upcoming cookbook “Kolu Cooks: Easy Fancy Food”. Say something, “‘I need community, I don’t have the funds to pay for a big dinner, but if you’re potlucking or contributing ….’ Up-frontes are the key. “
And if the expectation is that a bunch of informal friends are just coming to order and hang Dordash and you all split the bill, do it all to one side and until it’s already established standard, do it all to one side and make it clear. In your circle
Talk to your friends, but not on Venmo
“Last Christmas, we had a vacation with our friends,” Henry said. Wanting everyone to go out, the group initially kept a spreadsheet to keep track of who was spending what to make sure everything was fair. Soon, they ate the grid. “At the end of the day, I was like, ‘I don’t care,'” she said. The whole point of hosting, she reminds us, is for family relationships. “You’re doing it because you want to, and then the next time they’re going. My world goes that way.”
When it comes to social etiquette, there must be a sense of reciprocity. If you are worried about how you will recover what you spent on food, remember what your friends did to you last month. “Everyone picks up this social tab. That sounds good,” the Post said. “Once there are parties, we don’t have to send invoices and receipts.”
“It’s a golden rule. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated,” Bailey said.
If you think you’re the only one to raise the bill, talk to your friend – but not on Venmo.
What else do guests need to know?
Reminds you that you have certain duties as a guest. “I hope I’m going to bring a gift for my host. I can ask if I can bring something to contribute,” Bailey said. The host may say no, and “when we bring the host a gift, a candle, a bottle of wine – don’t expect them to serve that night – chocolates …” It does not have to be expensive or expensive. “My grandmother in Richmond, she always used to say, ‘Don’t wave your hand’,” she added. “I remember when he went to visit his family on Sunday, he would bring two liters of soda. It may be small, within your medium, what you have created. It’s about the people who host you. “
Also, give your host a little padding when you arrive five to 10 minutes after the start time, Bailey recommends. We may have a tendency to overstay because we are too excited to catch up after being away from each other for so long. Pay attention to clues: If your host starts cleaning up or the music stops, it’s time to say goodbye. On another viral topic, Respect the host’s rules when it comes to shoes at home. And during these COVIDs, be careful about wearing or testing masks before gathering. Think about how you serve and distribute food, and what is the safest and most comfortable way for people.
Create a positive host-guest relationship
The organizer also has a duty. Know your budget and stick to it, the Post said. “Sending a Venmo request to someone after the fact is not a good solution to ‘Uff I spent too much’. That is to deal with you. Don’t make it your friend’s problem.” Your role is to take care of your friends and create an evening of fun, whether it’s “friends with mac and cheese on the card table, or 12 friends around the fancy dining room table. It’s something that fits your budget,” the Post said.
Don’t over-serve your guests, Bailey advised. And do what you can to make them feel comfortable: “Make sure they have a safe way to get home; We may not be as sure about our tolerance as we used to be. [Hide away] Anything you don’t want to share (like your 30th anniversary wine!), And if someone spills red wine on your white carpet, don’t make it a big deal. That person feels bad! Let people know where everything is, offer to take their coats, bags. And when it comes to closing shoes at home, “maybe you have cheap socks on hand, or let them know your expectations in advance.”
“The whole idea is that I’m trying to give a good experience to the person I’m hosting. As soon as you step on that emotional finger, it’s not a big host-guest relationship,” the post added.
If you are asked to pay unexpectedly …
Any guest who receives a vanmo fee for dinner after this fact “is within their social rights. I said yes when I didn’t know it,” the Post said. “From there, they can choose whether or not to pay it. I’ll probably pay it and then warn my friend ahead of time or, frankly, I don’t want to socialize. You try to get a $ 50 bill and then talk to that person again.” You want to hang out. “
“I think I mean, ‘It wasn’t clear to me that we would pay for this experience tonight, but here you have $ 20,’ Bailey said. “And that’s not the kind of person I would invite to my house again or go to their house again.”
Henry agrees. “It’s good to be able to treat someone,” she said. “And as a community, it’s a gift to keep people and cook for them. I am grateful to be able to offer this. I think charging people is a bit like a temptation and a switch. And the best way to overcome temptation and switch is to eat and dash! I do, no, uh. They will be off my friends list. I imagine it could be someone I wasn’t really close to. “