Weed-smoking mothers talk about parenting when they are high

From the outside, mothers gathered in the living room of Santa Monica with carpools, school boards or fundraisers, any myriad of worldly meet-ups that come with a parent.

A quick survey of the scene can save a spindly vessel plant a few feet away from the deck. It may have been one mother’s thin leaf earring or another’s black T-shirt that read, “Smoking mothers are not bad mothers.” And you should sit on a sofa in a practically compact, art-filled space with a children’s book title on the coffee table in front of them entitled “Why Mothers Are High.”

The living room is owned by Wendy Brazil, the author of the book, and on a sunny April morning she invited fellow local mothers Angie Stucker, Shonitria Anthony and Alyssa Reilly to talk about marijuana and motherhood, not homework or healthy eating. (Brazil has a mixed family of six adult children, including her husband, comedian / director Chad Einbinder.)

“I know this happened,” said the 57-year-old Brazilian, referring to the experience of being a “canomome”, a hashtag on social media given to mothers who enjoy marijuana during parenting. “The conversations were deep. We had a lot of fun playing together. I wasn’t thinking in my head about the bills I had to pay and what I needed to do before tomorrow. I was really able to stay together. [my kids]Enjoy them. “

It’s harder to imagine how a puffing pot could be beneficial to the parenting process than Lucille Bluetooth, who has more ideas about what a mother should be like, than Clever or Claire Huxtable. In any case, modern-day mothers are more open than in previous generations to advocating self-care to address maternal challenges and stresses, and, while cannabis continues to be mainstream, that conversation involves mothers finding little weed. A glass or two of what Chardonnay did for their mothers was to pick up those small bundles of long-term joy and pull them out.

Stucker, 39, a West Adams comedian / dispensary receptionist, two children, ages 3 and 6, and an Etsy shop selling side-hustle weed-themed goods, is one of those who sings praises of the plant as a mother’s leafy little helper.

“It’s a burnout, it’s stress,” she said. “But it’s also sometimes you can’t calm your mind while doing an activity with your kids because you’re like, ‘Oh, it’s making such a big fuss.’ … Cannabis can help you feel like ‘I’m in this moment’, so you don’t have to worry about the mess. ‘Boom! Spider-Man’s Playhouse!’ “)

“It’s not like when you’re in college and you’re stoned to death on the sofa,” added Reilly, who lives in Topanga Canyon and describes herself as a “mother, herb and nurse.” Children, 6 and 9. “It’s a very active high. You’re doing everything in your daily life – and more because you’re doing it for a little existence – and then you have to be present and interested in it. And you know, the world is a really stressful place. It’s always been, and it’s not getting any better these days. ”

Brazil insisted late last year that the self-published “Hey Mommy Gates Hi” was a children’s book that looked honestly aimed at children, not a big children’s book parody for adults (Adam Mansbach’s “Go F-Sleep”) and she thinks. That “why mom is high” can be an appropriate part of the discussion and parenting discussion that begins with preschool-age children.

“I think it will be a wonderful book for you to read to your children so that they understand why mothers are scared,” said Brazil. This book will help explain why mom goes away for a few minutes and then comes back saying “hey, I feel so good”.

And this, in just over a dozen pages of a baker (illustrated by Daniela Techman) containing the author’s young-mother version that is cabering with her children under large-print text. “It’s hard to have so much fun in my mind / sometimes mom needs a way to relax,” reads an unforgettable couple page (showing mom and kids in the backyard pot plant). You can probably guess what happens next. “Mommy can go away for a minute or two / I’ll come back carefree, I’ll be ready to bake cookies with you.”

Brazil did not “negotiate” with its children until they were in college. (“Their father had become a born-again Christian,” she said. “It wasn’t something I felt I could talk to them about.”) With your youth

“They know it’s only for adults, that it’s a drug,” Stucker said. “I think being open about it really, really, really helps from a young age so there’s nothing to hide. I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“It’s the same for me,” Wraylie said. “We’re growing it at home – well, we did it before – and it’s growing in our friends’ homes. These plants are just part of our garden, [and] Our kids know plants. “Rally said she has taught her children to treat plants like any other plant growing in the family’s Topanga Canyon garden – with one exception.” They know it’s for mom and dad and not for them. ”

Shonitria Anthony, 33, who lives in West Hollywood, and has a podcast and website called “Blunt Blowin ‘Mama” (and has young children aged 3 and 7) say getting started early is paramount. “The key,” she said, “is for schools to reach out to them before they reach them. You want to relay your message first and let them know you have authority over it. Then they won’t be like that,” said my teacher, but my mentor , But my friend said. ‘ This is what my mother said.

“They know what CBD is,” Anthony said. “We have fake cannabis plants in our house – not real because I don’t have green fingers – and it’s a flower for them like any other flower. I try to tell them it’s cannabis plant. My son is 3 years old and says’ ca-na-na -bib-bib-iss’. He doesn’t understand. My daughter is like ‘Sure’, and then it goes back to ‘Pav Patrol’. They continue to build as they get older and their understanding grows.

“I don’t sit there trying to tell my 7-year-old about the war on drugs. But … saying, ‘This is a plant, not everyone can use this plant. It makes me feel good, ‘and they understand.

Although it may seem like a particularly young age to start a conversation about drugs, it is not out of line with the approach supported by the substance abuse and mental health care administration, Rockville, MD-based agency. And human service. “It’s never too early to talk to your kids about alcohol and other drugs,” reads an excerpt from the section on SAMHSA’s website entitled You should talk to your child about alcohol and other drugs. “Children under the age of nine are already looking at alcohol more positively, and about 3,300 children under the age of 12 try marijuana every day.”

Julie Schauer, director and co-founder of Merrifield, Va., A nonprofit parent based on Pot, agrees that parents have a responsibility to have serious conversations with their children about drugs, but it seems to be a little later. “I think it should be young,” she said. “I put it in grades three through four. … I’m about 3 years old, and you can tell a 3-year-old, ‘That grinder isn’t for you,’ but they don’t really understand why.”

Whether or not parents participating in the vessel should be open with their children about their current (in contrast to past “mistakes”), Scour said she “really had no opinion.”

“What’s more annoying to me is that they use [cannabis] When they’re raising kids, “she said.” It’s a big decision. I think you have to be honest with your kids. “

For a Brazilian children’s book, Scour said, “I don’t see the point in writing this book except to normalize cannabis use and promote it. Honestly, I don’t see it. Have parents written books discussing my painkiller use? Discuss? Maybe they were, and I haven’t seen them. “

And the argument is that cannabis consumption reduces stress and therefore enhances the quality of parenting? “I can understand that approach a little bit,” Schauer said. “I can see if your child is running around, [cannabis] It may make them less stressed, but I suggest they look for other ways to make themselves less stressed, such as yoga or other outdoor activities.

The problem with continued potty use, in his view, is that “anxiety or lack of anxiety can reach a proportion of clinical depression … extreme depression in the parent. And it can be very dangerous for the child.”

Canamomos, who provide services on the Brazilian couch, say they are well aware of the challenges and dangers of parenting under the influence of anything and say they have made it a point to have something called a “seat belt” in hand. In other words, they have safety precautions including forward planning, presence of other carers and CBD products on hand. (Consumption of CBD is a popular way to try to resist extreme THC highs. Although a recent scientific study has called it into question, Anthony said it has helped him a lot.)

For example, Anthony describes a recent encounter with a new strain. “I smoked and I was so high, I was like, ‘Oh’. My. God! ” She said. You have to go to make lunch. I’m going to sleep … As a parent, there is nothing worse than feeling out of control. It’s not just a good feeling, and good parents want to be ready and wear that seat belt, as they say. “

The cannabis team says cannabis-parenting stigma and double standards are alive and well – where cannabis is legal.

“In California you can get a little bit of a decision. … It’s a bit normal,” Anthony said. “On the East Coast? Absolutely not. It’s something you put between you and your partner or your co-parent … because you risk child protection services. [or the] Intervention of the Department of Children and Family Services. And that’s not what you want. ”

Stoker recalls wearing a “Weed is my lifehack” T-shirt and picking up her kids from preschool. “Even with my husband – who consumes [cannabis] And totally great – ‘Are you going to wear it to preschool?’ “She said. “It’s not necessary that there’s something in front of people’s minds, but it’s just that little voice that people ask, ‘Is she wearing grass right now?'”

Speaking of spouses, many canamos have experienced that they feel there is a double standard in pot smoking-parent mobility. “‘Cannamom’ is one thing on the Internet: #cannamom is a total phrase,” said Anthony. “I didn’t hear ‘#cannadad’. And it’s like, don’t we care about Dad [consuming cannabis] Because the father does not really carry the child? [Because] Don’t they take care of the baby? I think he’s more concerned about the direct connection. “

Stucker followed carefully to the point that, in most parental dynamics she encountered, the father seemed to be the couple’s designated cannabis consumer, and not the mother. “If you’re a mom, it’s because you’re one Mother“It’s your whole life, it’s your whole personality,” she said. … You can’t find anything beyond that. “