For for decades, Patrice Evra could not cry. The former Manchester United and French captain did not feel much when watching sad movies. His eyes and eyes were dry when his friends and relatives died. If something as amazing as winning the Champions League had happened, he would have smiled on the outside, but on the inside. “I was a robot,” he says.
He did not show sympathy when others showed emotion. One day, while playing for Juventus around 2015, he remembers seeing his teammate improve.
“I passed him and said, ‘What’s the matter?’ It wasn’t as if he had received bad news about someone’s death, “Evra says.” I said, “Why are you crying?”
Evra told his teammate, who announced this to the rest of the players. “Everyone laughed. I regret that, ”he said.
Since then, the 41-year-old has grown up and allowed himself to fall. Last year, he spoke publicly for the first time about being sexually abused as a child.
Evra was 13 years old and lived in her teacher’s house because her house was far from her new school. The teacher forcibly entered the bedroom at night and touched her under the blanket or forced her to have oral sex. “I did not tell anyone. I was too ashamed to talk to my mother and I didn’t know if anyone else would believe me, “Evra wrote in her October autobiography, I Love This Game.
This week, the footballer will speak at the #ENDVolence conference at a UN-sponsored event aimed at better protecting children around the world from violence.
Along with speakers, including French President Emmanuel Macron and actor Ashton Kutcher, Evra will speak openly about his experiences and call on global leaders to take action.
Speaking through a Zoom from a hotel room before the conference on Tuesday, he is thoughtful and sincere. This is important for him because he wants to talk about abuse. He wants governments around the world to pass laws to better protect children. “We need to reach high-level people,” he says. “It’s easy to campaign, but we have to have laws,” he said.
“For example,” he adds in his pre-arranged consultation notes, “I was shocked to see that beatings were banned in England … we haven’t done that yet. But they did it in Wales, they did it in Scotland. Children all over the world deserve protection. That is my goal in life. I want to do that. I want to change everything. “
For Senegal-born Evra, who grew up in France, the journey from a football “robot” to talking openly about her personal injuries has been difficult.
In the last few years, she has been engaged and met a one-year-old boy named Lilas. Her partner, Alexandra Margaux, a Danish model who describes herself as “the woman of my life,” said she “felt safe and helped open up.”
However, he is not sure that he would be so sensitive if he were still in the world of football. It was not a sign of strength to talk about emotions and difficult moments among teammates.
“It’s a poisonous manhood,” Evra said. “People are not open-minded. As soon as you show that you are human, they say, “Oh, we can’t fight this boy.”
Before revealing his abuse to the public, Evra was worried that people’s perceptions of him would change.
He also felt guilty. Years ago, at the age of 24, he was called by the police and asked if he had been abused by the director, but he refused to admit it, fearing the consequences.
“Some children complained about this man, and the police wanted to know if he had ever tried to do anything to me,” he wrote in his book. “Because I was famous and I was worried about the reaction, I lied and said no. They asked me if I was sure, and I reassured them. I have lived with that lie for many years. I can’t tell you how much I regret it. “
And felt ashamed. “It was,‘ What will people think of me? They see me as a strong man, a captain, a leader. What will my teammates think when they find out? ‘
For years, instead of allowing himself to open up, he says, “How did I do it? I had to shut down all my emotions.” “I could not cry. I could not show that I was very happy. I don’t want children to live like I did for many years. “
Only after withdrawing from elite sports – when the potential impact effects were less – was he able to speak.
“It simply came to our notice then. “It’s not because someone pushed me.” “For me, it was because I was looking at a pedophile program. [Margaux] When he saw that the grapes had changed, he said, “What is the matter?” I said, “Nothing,” and he said, “Come on, we’re not lying to each other. What is the problem? ‘
“Then I opened it because I felt safe. I felt that I could not lie. He did not force me. And that was our conversation. That is why I say: “It is difficult to open [up]. ‘”
Looking back, he is not sure that if he spoke while playing, he would serve him well.
“I thought to myself, ‘Where can Patrice succeed as a robot now that he’s more open, emotional, and sensitive?’ With that robot, with that machine, it was important to win, to win. ”
Evra says it’s not just a matter of giving victims a say in order to encourage more abuse and reduce stigma. Instead, it is a matter of educating people and creating an environment where they can speak in public.
The same is true to encourage players to appear homosexual and to be open about other personal matters.
But this does not mean that it is simple or that everyone will immediately accept. “I can encourage it [homosexuality] because I don’t follow any books. ” “I just watch myself,” he said. I follow my heart. But I don’t think we can be too hard on people who say, “I can’t do it because of religion.”
“It’s really difficult. For example, what happens to a PSG player, ”he added, referring to the incident involving Paris Saint-Germain midfielder Idrissa Gueye, who allegedly refused to play in a match to avoid wearing a rainbow symbol in support of LGBTQ + rights. “She didn’t want to wear that shirt, you know. But this does not mean that he is against it. He just doesn’t want to promote it. “
He says the problems in football are a problem of society. “I always say we like to point to football or something. But it is society. We are talking about education. No one is born a racist. I’m not a baby, I wake up and I’m a racist. All those players are human. “
However, since retiring from the sport, he has discovered a life outside of the football “bubble” and said that the “poisonous masculinity” he described surrounded him. “A lot of people said, ‘If you stop playing football, it’s going to be difficult. You will be depressed. ” But in fact, I am happier than ever. I am free. I’m not in that box. ” “I can do anything. If I want to be serious, if I want to be a clown, if I want to motivate people. This is life. I can be whoever I am. “
Often, being “whoever you are” means being funny. On Instagram, she garnered 10 million followers and gained cult status among her young fans for her contagious hilarious videos, ranging from motivational clips on Mondays to videos imitating Tina Turner and licking raw chicken. “In the past, all managers were against social media,” Evra said. “So I wouldn’t be able to shoot all these crazy videos.”
He is so ruthlessly positive on the Internet that even racist trolls have become bored. “If someone puts a banana emoji, I say, ‘I love a banana,’ and they immediately delete it. When they send a monkey, I say, ‘Send a gorilla. The monkey is fragile. The gorilla is strong.’
In addition to giving him more comedy freedom, the “pension” allowed him to reduce his reserves. From the campaign to the appearance on the BBC’s “Freze the Fear” program, he is “more busy than ever”, but he is less stressed. She spends her free time at home with Margaux, playing board games, changing diapers and cooking dinner. “I’m homeless,” he says.
And often cries – even in small things. “If I cried before, I would immediately say, ‘No, what are you doing?’ But Margaux said, “No, you must let him go. You have to open yourself. You must let go of what is in your chest, for it will burn you. “
Today, if he saw his Juventus teammate crying in front of the film instead of teasing them, he would say, “Now Patrice would say, ‘Oh, let’s watch the movie and let’s cry together.’ “I can cry for happiness. I can cry when I watch the movie. Not soft. I was educated like this; Like my father and the people around me, crying is a sign of weakness. But no. Crying is a sign of strength. ”
In particular, allegations of abuse were cathartic. He tries not to stand on the attacker. “I don’t even know the man’s face when people talk about it,” he said. I don’t know if he is still alive or dead. Someone asked me, ‘Do you hate that person?’ I said, “No.” In fact, because I have no hatred in my heart. Do you want that person arrested? Yes, but not for me. To make sure he doesn’t do the same things to other children as he did to me. “
However, he said that over the years, preventing it has been devastating. “[Speaking out] He explained to me that not being able to open up for so many years killed a lot of my feelings. I have a lot of feelings. “
The Fiver: Sign up and receive our daily football email.
He does not want to be known as a “victim” as some describe him, or as a “brave” or “hero” for sharing his story. However, he hopes that this will encourage him to take steps to inform others about the perpetrator. “They may think, ‘If this player, the captain of this team, opens up, I can do it.’
Since the book was published, people who have approached him on the street have thanked him for talking about his past and said they have also been subjected to violence. My mother always said, “The more you give, the more you get.” The feedback I get from people on the street is, “Thank you.”
“It made me think, ‘Wow, Patrice.’ It was nice to throw the ball around. But you can do more than that. ”