TIt’s easy to shut down Ricky’s conversations – but just staring at them makes things difficult. They are often about something that can make life easier or better but the fact that the exchange can be awkward or difficult for one side or both, is a big obstacle.
Remembering a few basic rules can make things easier. First: It’s a two-way street. It’s not just about you – the other person may be anxious, insecure, defensive, scared or sad.
Next, choose your moment. If this is someone you know, think about their communication style. If they don’t like being taken aback, let them know you need a chat, and tell them what it is. It is always good to have a hard conversation in person, but if you resort to email or text to set up a conversation, or to clarify problems later, be very careful about the words; Be as handsome as possible. Before you press send, read the email, imagining how it would make you feel if you were receiving it.
For conversation, make sure you’re in the right mood. And get ready for the curve ball. If another person brings unexpected factors into the mix, park the chat for a while.
Finally, always leave the encounter by agreeing on what happens next. And no matter how unsatisfactory it is, resist throwing your toys out of the pram. There is a guarantee that you will transfer your information, or that they will never speak again, or that business insults will poison the already difficult situation.
Demanding increase in salary
You want to do this, but you are scared. Ask yourself why, says executive career and leadership coach Dennis Chilton. If you’re worried about talking to your boss, unpack it. “A lot of people think the stakes are high when they’re talking to someone high, but why should that be the case?”
The key is to work as much as you want, and go into the conversation believing that you deserve it. “What’s the added value you bring to your organization? Have you taken on extra responsibilities, or learned new skills?” The important thing, she says, is to talk about the value you bring.
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Women, in particular, often need to build self-confidence, so think about it this way: If you quit, your employer will spend more to replace you. So the extra £ 3,000 you ask for is better than the 5,000 they spend on recruiting and training someone new.
If you are told that there is no extra money, think about the whole package. Try: “Okay, but I want to work two days a week at home and get some more vocational training.” And set a date for when your company Can Review your payment.
Complain at a restaurant
Mandy Yin, the chef / owner of Sambal Shiok in London, says she would be curious to know if any of the eateries at any restaurant are unhappy with you. But make up your mind right away – don’t eat the dish and then complain about it. “Be conciliatory, never be aggressive,” Yin advises. “Remember that servers are human, and sugar is always better than vinegar. Just dive into how bad it is; give the employee a chance to explain why something is like that. If something doesn’t taste right, it’s just too salty or too salty.” It can be anything but a taste. But the restaurant has to be sympathetic, it has to come up with another option. ” It’s the same with wine: if you ordered a glass of something and immediately realized you didn’t like it, some good restaurant would replace it.
Speaking About the neighbors A problem
Don’t underestimate the value of friendly and supportive neighbors, says Dr. Tracy Towner, a mediator at Normanton Chambers, who says her most difficult mediation involves neighborhood disputes. Good neighbors are holy grails: go a hundred miles before you line up with them. “Once, I said to this person: How did it start? Walk me through the story – and they can’t remember. But these are people’s homes, so emotions are high. So how do you deal with an overfield recycling bin / uncut hedge / falling-down fence? Do you
“Light it up – point to the issue without criticizing,” says Touner. So for example: “I can’t believe it’s that time of year: the hedges are growing.” Or: “Why doesn’t the council give us more cans: I can’t squash more on them.” Another trick is to make the behavior you want from your neighbors a role model. Cut your own hedge, repair your own bar, and talk to them while you do it.
With difficult problems – late night noises, barking dogs, irrational parking – Toner advises you to practice before you go for a walk: “The harder the conversation, the more you should practice.” But a good trick is, again, to turn it around – don’t blame, repent. “Can I check that our music didn’t disturb you the next night?” Often the response goes: “Oh no – I hope you don’t listen to us either.” And then you can say very slowly: “Well, sometimes we hear it – the walls in these houses are very thin.”
Talking to your partner Sex
Remand senior sex and relationship therapist Amanda Major says the best way to move forward is to approach it as a half-team – and never be blamed. So instead of “you never let me come again”, try: “I always like to be extreme with you, and I think our sex life would be better if I could find a way to enjoy them more.”
The last thing you want to do here is blame or shame. And choose your moment. “Don’t talk about it when you’re in bed or when you’re angry or frustrated,” says Major. “Be curious. What does your partner like? How do they feel?” This is the top chat you should have in person.
Dealing with someone who obstructs public transport
It’s very difficult: there is already at least one emotional person, and things can easily get out of hand. Need to say something? Or is it better to call the driver / guard / police? If you weigh in, Touner says, stay calm and flat-like-millpound calm. “The last thing you need to do is say something like ‘this is ridiculous’ or ‘step back now’,” says Toner. “Try: ‘Hey, is something going on here?’ Ask for information – ‘What happened?’; ‘Are you upset?’ – Because then the person should stop doing what he is doing and respond.
Remind someone that they owe you money
Ideally, don’t lend money in the first place – or if you do, lend it knowing you won’t get it back, says Mark Hexter, a clinical psychologist and a friend of the British Psychological Society, a consultant at the Summit Clinic. But we live in the real world, and splitting up Uber or store bills may mean you have to give someone cash.
The easiest thing, he says, is to set up a PayPal account and check that they have one. Then they need your phone number, and they can pay from their phone. Email or text can be great for this conversation – this way you can remind them of the information they need. Try something like this: “You want to check that you got my bank details / mobile number so you can send me that money.”
Try to work out why you haven’t been paid: You don’t want to offend anyone or make them feel guilty. Maybe they are in trouble or they have just forgotten, in which they do not like the prompt.
Asking someone to clean up after their dog
This is really difficult, our experts say. No sense in telling you now – I don’t wanna ruin the suprise. No matter how hard you try, there’s no point in having a hard time talking about it.
But there are ways. If you’re walking your dog, “you can exaggerate the fact that you’re cleaning up after your dog,” says Emma Citron, a counseling psychologist, “but it’s very difficult to change someone’s behavior.” If you say something, make it as emotional as possible. Try asking if they run out of bags – if you’re walking your own dog, you can offer one of your own. If you encounter, apologize, try: “I’m sorry to say this, and I know it’s incredibly embarrassing, but the kids use this park, and I help you make sure you don’t clean up your dog’s mess.” I can’t. “
Rejecting the invitation
Hector’s advice is, don’t dwell on the complex, intricate story of why you can’t make it; Keep it simple and generally true. “It’s a scenario where a little white lie can’t go wrong,” he said. It is better to say that you were engaged before you did. “We all have busy lives, and people understand that you can’t do everything,” says Hexter.
Covid looks a bit tired as a get-out (unless it’s true). And if that’s something you can’t do yourself, honesty can be great. Something like: “It’s a good idea, but I’ve never enjoyed camping and I don’t feel like doing it again. Is there anything else we can organize?”